Dear Mr. VP,

I spent yesterday absolutely wretchedly sick, which seems appropriate given my little doodle at the end of my letter. Hopefully there isn’t some weird magic thing going on where I turn into whatever I’ve drawn for myself.

I’m sure it was the stomach bug that’s been ripping around my place of employment with abandon, but perhaps it was also a reaction to this photo:  

Gosh, you look like such a proud dad, standing behind the prodigal son thinking “Well, sure. He’s been married three times and is an admitted rapist, but now he’s home and he’s fighting the good fight against the self-determination of women. #blessed”

I don’t think Donald Trump gives a shit about abortion or about birth control. I think he likes the idea of reduced federal spending, maybe, but I’m not even sure he has a strong opinion on that. He’s just the figurehead who can rile a crowd. You’re running the show.

D

p.s. Please consider a new twitter photo. This one is lending credence to David Icke’s lizard alien theory.