Dear Mr. VP,

Can we talk briefly about masculinity?

Why can’t men use shampoo that women use? Why must they get black bottles labeled “FOR MEN”?

Let’s take a look at the ingredients.

Malt, yeast, ginseng, caffeine, creatine. It’s like they thought “What do men like? Beer and pre-workout protein shakes! Let’s put that in a shampoo and make the bottle black and men will feel safe in their masculinity as they feed protein to their hair!”

I have a secret, Mr. Pence: I’ve used Aveda products before and this smelled and felt like every other Aveda product I’ve ever used. My hair feels lovely, but it is not suddenly manlier because of my use of shampoo in a black bottle. And neither will you suddenly produce more estrogen if you use shampoo in a pink bottle. Surprising but true. 

Just file this — this protein shake for your hair — into the “fragile masculinity” file folder.

D