Climate Change: June 1, 2017

Dear Mr. VP,

My apologies but you are getting the saltiest version of myself today. Today involved 50 preschoolers on a bus. It was A Day of testing how many times you can say “Please sit on your bottom!” without losing your actual shit.

Also, today your boss pulled us out of the Paris Accords. I don’t even know, man. It’s just stupid. What do you say about sheer fucking stupidity? “Hey, thanks guys for fucking over my child and all future generations!” 

I know you think science isn’t real, so that’s one thing. But I also know you think you’re just going to get raptured into heaven and so whatever we do to this earth doesn’t matter and YOLO while we’re here because you’re living twice in The Promised Land. Just kill it for capitalism! Whatevs! You’ll be in God’s kingdom soon while the rest of us heathens are sucking smog and dying in tsunamis and buying up beachfront property in Iowa.

Fuck you, that’s all I have. And as G would say, “For REAL.”


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