Dear Mr. VP,

I have shoulders.

I know! It’s true. I have two of them, actually.

I rather like my shoulders, which have always been on my “acceptable” list even at moments I hated everything else about my appearance. Lugging 11-45 pounds of squirmy child around for the past 3.9167 years has made them pretty strong.

Shoulders are pretty cool, if you think about it. You can carry kids on them. They let you shrug. It’s good to have something connecting your arms to your torso.

So imagine my confusion today when I found out they are apparently considered inappropriate for the House of Representatives.

I’m sorry, what?

I’m just totally at a loss for what might be inappropriate about shoulders.

I know you didn’t create this rule, though I’m sure you probably support it, so could you explain? What’s the deal?

D