Dear Mr. VP,
I’m just quoting all of this. The sections in bold are the ones that made me laugh the most, and I’ve accompanied them with footnotes about why they made me laugh.
Steve Bannon has nothing to do with me or my Presidency. (1) When he was fired, he not only lost his job, he lost his mind. Steve was a staffer who worked for me after I had already won the nomination by defeating seventeen candidates, often described as the most talented field ever assembled in the Republican Party. (2)
Now that he is on his own, Steve is learning that winning isn’t as easy as I make it look. (3) Steve had very little to do with our historic victory, which was delivered by the forgotten men and women of this country. Yet Steve had everything to do with the loss of a Senate seat in Alabama held for more than thirty years by Republicans. Steve doesn’t represent my base — he’s only in it for himself.
Steve pretends to be at war with the media, which he calls the opposition party, yet he spent his time at the White House leaking false information to the media to make himself seem far more important than he was. (4) It is the only thing he does well. Steve was rarely in a one-on-one meeting with me and only pretends to have had influence to fool a few people with no access and no clue, whom he helped write phony books.
We have many great Republican members of Congress and candidates who are very supportive of the Make America Great Again agenda. Like me, they love the United States of America and are helping to finally take our country back and build it up, rather than simply seeking to burn it all down. (5)
(1) Steve Bannon was a senior adviser and chief campaign strategist until public pressure forced your administration to fire him. “Chief” and “senior” — I don’t know, doesn’t seem like small potatoes to me.
(2) I googled “most talented field even assembled in the Republican party” and all the hits on the six pages of results were about this statement. Think again.
(3) Except at golf amirite.
(4) Accusing a man of making himself seem more important than he is, in the same statement with the self-aggrandizing, “Steve was a staffer who worked for me after I had already won the nomination by defeating seventeen candidates, often described as the most talented field ever assembled in the Republican Party.” Right.
(5) So first, last night your boss actually threatened nuclear war, a potential way to LITERALLY BURN DOWN OUR COUNTRY. And second, when Bannon was hired, we already knew he wanted to destroy the state, so don’t pretend y’all didn’t know that too and suddenly this is a shocking issue.
In conclusion: gee, I wonder why there was a major tweetstorm last night? Perhaps some sense that this was coming?