Dear Mr. VP,
I LOVE the Olympics. LOVE them. I look forward to the spectacle of the opening ceremony, the tear-jerking human interest stories of athletes who probably don’t have a chance to win, the sports I don’t care about for the two years in between (hello, curling). I get REALLY EXCITED when I hear the NBC’s Olympics theme.
How could you not? So stirring! So noble! I just cried a little, listening to it. I wish I was kidding.
And God, I love Bob Costas.
Let me shout it to the world: I LOVE BOB COSTAS.
Anyway. Suffice it to say, I live for the every-two-year event.
So imagine my disappointment today when I read this: Mike Pence Expected to Lead U.S. Olympic Delegation.
Do you have to ruin everything? For crying out loud. Now there’s going to be some coverage of you smiling smugly in the stands as the U.S. delegation walks in during the opening ceremony, and we’re all going to have to watch you pretend to give a shit about international cooperation and friendly relations with other countries when half of your tweets end with an #AmericaFirst hashtag and you’re the lapdog to a guy who threatens nuclear war on social media platforms.
My greatest hope for this moment is that the athletes have something up their sleeves. Let’s talk about how we could incorporate some rainbows into those opening ceremony outfits, shall we?