Dear Mr. VP,
I wish I could say I had something coherent to say to you, but the most horrifying thing just happened.
Someone who shall remain nameless, for their safety, suggested that if you get impeached, I should start writing slash fan fiction with you as the focus.
Perhaps you don’t know what slash is, but it generally involves an imagining of romantic relationships between characters who don’t have them in the source material. For example, someone might write a story about a relationship between Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. (I like that this would horrify you.)
The mere suggestion that I write anything about your romantic dalliances with….oh god, Trump? Ted Cruz? Who else? Has shaken me to my very core and left me balled into a fetal position watching Bring It On in an attempt to bleach my brain.