Dear Mr. VP,
Here we are, on the front lines of the Second Civil War. The first shots were fired yesterday, when I spotted someone wearing Trump socks at the ice cream stand, and I shot many wary glances in her direction. Was she wearing them ironically? I didn’t have the energy to engage.
The morning was spent practicing aquatic maneuvers and building resistance to psychological torture, with a four-year-old demanding constant cannonballs into the pool standing in for a MAGA-hatted interrogator.
Troops need fuel, and so we spent some time preparing inspiringly patriotic no-bake snacks. I’m sure these will carry our brave soldiers through many a confrontation with the soldiers of Gilead.
Now, I will spent an hour or so researching the enemy before I apply a sixteenth layer of sunscreen (safety first!) and make sure our pool floats are ready to ride into battle.
Perhaps you should consider joining our side. It’s more fun over here. We have memes.