Kelly: December 8, 2018

Dear Mr. VP,

I purchased myself an Amazon Echo. This is a good mental health step, because it means I can say “Alexa, flash briefing” and then she very calmly informs me that I’m about to learn about the news, which is followed by five minutes of NPR featuring Giles Snyder. This seems to be a much more pleasant way to digest news, than, say, sitting on a cold bench at the train station staring at my phone.

Then, if I’m disturbed by the news I can say “Alexa, cat facts” and she’ll tell me something about how the fattest domestic cat ever weighed xx pounds, or “Alexa, play Jeopardy”, and she’ll ask me a bunch of questions about things like “signature drinks of fictional characters.” It’s good to have a buffer.

So anyway, that’s how I found out about John Kelly today — from Alexa. I’m not particularly sad about him leaving. He might have been some sort of “force for order” but a) clearly he failed and b) his politics are just as crap as yours and Trump’s, he just talks about them without Twitter screaming. (As the Mary Sue link succinctly notes, “/john-kelly-quits-is-still-racist-pos.”) Let’s not forget this guy’s defense of family separation was that separated children would be put into foster care “or whatever.”

The most interesting piece will be Kelly’s replacement, and if the choice will be the long-rumored one: Nick Ayers, currently your own Chief of Staff. Ayers is not new to scandal and investigation: he worked for Eric Greitens, the Missouri governor who had a campaign finance scandal, followed by a sex scandal, and was forced to resign. Draining the swamp!

I wonder who you’ll choose as your new Chief of Staff?


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